(no subject)
In real life ,there is no escaping reality, wherever you turn your face it hits you right in the face.
Yesterday night we lost a great man, a great husband, a great father, and a great grandfather. My grandpa. Allah yr7ma.
We were going to vista him in the hospital because we were in Dubai these past week, and he had a stage four esophagus cancer, but by the time we got there, he had just died, my grandma, and three of my uncles were crying, and he laid there on the bed, yellow skin without a single movement,......a corpse, so we waited until my aunts and the rest of my uncles to come and see him off, and we were trying to comfort my grandma, who had been with him for more than 50 years. But when my aunts and uncles came it got worst, seeing everyone crying , especially my dad trying to hold back his tears as he watched his dad's body, and my grandma trying to be strong , and asking god to give her patience on his departure. It was heart breaking, then my grandpa's brother came, and he was being really strong, and I think that gave us strength, and then he told us (the women) to go home. And so we kissed his forehead,and were on our way to our grandpa's house, there were some people there expecting us, and my niece who had lived with my grandparents since she was born, had broken up in tears and deep cry, it was sad we all cryed. Seeing my grandma staring at his wordrobe with a broken look in her eyes just brought back tears to my eyes, then my aunt smelling his night gown while rubbing her face in it....was just too much. A lot of people came ,but I didn't want to see anyone and so we stayed in my grandparents bedroom.
Today I woke up feeling as everything was a dream, I had never seen a dead person, but when I got to see one, he was my grandfather. The grandfather that bent down for us to kiss his forehead every Friday , the grandfather that was walking to the masged, to pray, the grandfather that raised us all too well. .... It all seemed like a dream.
after breakfast,we headed to my grandfather's house for the funeral. a lot of people there, but
everyone seemed better than last night, but my grandma's face got paler. It must have been hard sleeping alone, the bed must've felt empty.
A lot of people cried, I felt a little angry because the visited rarely , they didn't come at Fridays , and they were just relatives. It is good having sympathy for his family, shedding some tears of sadness, but not totally cry, they're suppose to comfort his family not make them more sad! , it's just that thing that bothered me, I hate funerals. Then my grandma (from my mom's side ) called and I don't know what she said

(no subject)
Ok blog so it has been three days I guess
Anyway, the last time I wrote was my older sister's birthday, so we had the cake and the candles and all, so when mom and dad came back from egypt, which was at the same day, we celebrated her birthday.....poor me , didn't get even a cake, and no one remembered but two of my friends, my best friend didn't even remember. It was kindda sad turning seventeen without a birthday-almost like- party....but me, no I have to remember everyones birthday and buy gifts and cake, while no one in my family remembers mine.
Anyway we sat with mom as she was telling us her journey, and we had fun, finally,and happily for me, my older sister and my aunt went home safely.
Yesterday, I went to the beauty salon and dyed my hair.... I didn't have a color in mind before so the hair dresser dyed a little bit of my hair with two colors so I would choose one. One was cop perish, made me kindda look Pakistani , and the other was dark blondish golden color, which mom choose for me, and finally after 4 hours spent in the salon, the color turned out nicely, and I had highlights, and maybe next week I'll go have a caviar hair treatment, I was surprised how mom care about my hair, from choosing a color, requesting highlight, and asking about hair treatment . So we got home, totally exhausted from waking up at ten to go spent four hours in the beauty salon, and we missed the other salon which we were going to have our nails done in <<<< I'm having a strong feminine stroke these day.....,so we got delayed with my hair and missed the appointment. Anyway , everyone liked my hair, and as me and my mom tried to lay down and take a nap, dad came home, and told us to get ready to go out with him, so he waked mom up, but I passed, but he insisted that I'd go, and I can't say no to daddy , so we were really tired but went anyway. Then when we got back the sun was already setting, and we had to get ready to go eat breakfast in my mom's friend's house...she's more like my aunt, anyway we got ready and went there , when we got there , it was already time for breakfast, so we headed to the dining table, it was a buffet like breakfast so everyone filled their plates and glass, and sat down to eat. She is a great cook, and it was a delicious meal. Then we prayed and it was chat time. Everyone chatted happily and it was fun. Then me and K<< my aunts daughter, were waiting for the series we're watching, and I didn't want to see it at 3am because I wanted to sleep early, so when it started , Mom decided it's go time, so I was really angry, because it was an exciting episode, so we went home, I saw the last scene of the episode totally clueless, the I decide I'm going to sleep. So after two hours of dozing off I found my older sister and mom staring at my hair, so I figured mom was just showing her the color. But then I couldn't go back to sleep <<< nature's call. So I chatted with my sister, then we headed to the secrete place...the kitchen, so we ate some leftover sandwiches from yesterday, and drank some juices. Anyway it was two o'clock and it was time to see the episode I just missed , my sister watched the episode but decided to watch it again, then mom came , and they sat there chatting infront of the t.v making me unable to hear, as my sister was explaining the story of the series to mom, So I get pissed off. Then it finished, and after it finishes my Korean drama - brilliant legacy- starts on Korea tv, so I watched then finally headed to sleep, and unusually I woke up at 1 pm ....it's usually three or four. So I thought of writing, and since everyone is asleep I had the house to myself. Mom just woke the kids, but they're not up yet. So now I'll go pray then watch the Kdrama again.

Dad's annual trip to the u.s Is soon,
We might go to Dubai tomorrow, cuz dad might have to travel after that, and his vacation with us will end, so one last trip with us for him.

(no subject)
I'm overburdened by responsibility.
It's alaways what I want to do about everything, I have to decide....damn the day is not going right....the water has been cut off from our house, I checked the water supplier, it was closed so I opened it but didn't come yet ....damn water system, that guy that dad hired for the water systeming is just so stupid, everything he did is broken,

And I'm not gonna do anything about it, just gonna rot in my favorite chair, observing how they'll manage, and wait for mom and dad to come home tonight<<< thank god

I'm really bored, I want to go out, I want to do some aerobics and run, I want to lose weight before eid, so many things I want to do, but I'm just too lazy to.

I just got happy by the thought that my sister is going home tonight, and I'll finally get rid of her complaining and continuos whining , and shouting and nagging.... I swear if she say something again I might blow up on her face , and give her some of my rotten mouth. I mean if you don't like staying here, no one Is forcing home, i can manage without her...

Ahhh just gonna have to bare it for few more hours, just a few more hours out of hell.

I should go now I'm getting addicted to writing, I should stop for at least three days.

I changed my journal style as you can see...I got too bored with the old one .

Future plans
  ok blog. As I'm growing up, there's a lot of decisions I'm gonna have to make.... So the latest decisions are about my future.... My so longed future..... you might think it's too early to be making future plans since my senior year didn't start yet, but once it starts I'll be so busy with studying<<< YEAH RIGHT!!... Anyways I want to be busy with studying, and might not have time to think about my future, so I guess this is the time..... As scary as it might be, it has to be made sooner or later. And my sister chose later and she ended up in foundation year and wasted a course in business management and then finally changed into biomedical where she felt comfortable in, that's one and a half year wasted on decisions, and I don't want to waste my time...<<<< learning from other people's mistakes....THAT'S GROWING UP. Anyway, she didn't know what she wanted at first, she wanted too many things so that's why she lost her way until she found her comfort zone. Anyways, although I'm learning from her, but I'm totally like her, but I summed up all the things I wanted to do, and ended up with three options: 1- study interior design in VCU Qatar. They have field trips, international trips, students went to Dubai , Milano , Paris , japan....etc. And students get to take a course in VCU in Richmond U.S.A , or go there in the summer and explore the campus. All students get a software ( MAC book). ......so these are the advantages for going to VCU, and interior design is also fun, we get to work with architects and contractors and all sort of people with different backgrounds + mom wants me to go there too, but she's not forcing me, she thinks it's the best option. 2- I want to study architecture. But since there is no collage for that here but QU, I'm thinking of studying aboard...and that my parents allowed me but it's in my options. So as I was looking for architecture schools , i found one in Seoul/S.Korea ,although not in japan which is my dream, but Korea doesn't seem that bad. All I want is to study aboard, away from here , I want to try a different lifestyle , like walking to collage and grabbing a latte on the way, or maybe have breakfast in a coffee shop, while reading a book. I want to go back home and study then sleep, I think there might be less distractions there than here, where I plan to study ,and end up trying my clothes, or watching T.V or chatting with someone on the phone, so that's a bright side to the situation. But to look on the downsides of this option, I'll be away from my family, I won't see mom's face every morning, and I won't have a fight with my little sisters in the morning, I won't be with my friends , I'll have absolutely no one besides me there, I'll be lonely , I might face some problems and need help, but no one will be with me, I know you're thinking WHO's forcing you ,but I wanna try something different, I want to experience everything in life. It's not decided where yet but it's somewhere far from this place. Anyhow , I might end up working in my dad's company, and be their architect. 3- I want to study energy engineering, if such thing existed . I want to make devises that works with solar energy, it's a new energy and. I think it's the new petroleum. I want to spread it in the gulf where it's sunny all year long, and no one really makes use of it, only complaining about the heat, not taking advantage of it ....anyway such a new field is not available yet in Qatar, so again, it's the second option but different majors. So these are the three options I ended up with, and until now option one and two are the strongest, option three is a plan B.... I know....I dream too much , and mom already declared that she won't allow me or any of us in fact, to study aboard....curse the day she watched that movie <<< Taken. But dad, was gonna let my sister to study in NY with his friend's daughter, and but a nanny to live with them....more like a housekeeper. But my sister didn't want to, so both ended up not going. So there might be a small Ray of hope breaking through their decision. Anyway I hope in whatever I will study that I'll be happy and satisfied , but I still have to weigh my options right, so I don't end up making the wrong one. P.s: I posted a lot earlier than I thought I would, probably too bored to do anything. I have to go back to life now, with the weight lifted off my shoulder....writing is a relief ...leaving all your current thought to have new thoughts.

Long time, no se....write

wow , it really has been long since i wrote anything , feels like forever

anyway, i have to make this quick , so i could go help mom with breakfast.

it's summer vacation, and it's Ramadan already, so i'll start from the begining of my vacation

school ended, and my  year is over, we decided to go to Germany this summer, and my sister and her husbend decided to come too...althouh it might have been a little uncomfortable, but it was gonna be fun,so we searched for plane tickets but we couldn't find, i mean for a family of 9 people + 2, was almost impossible, so as soon as my sister cancelled on us we found tickets for 9 people, and so we ended up goinig without my sister. summer in Germany was really fun, although the first 2 days were hot like hell , but after that the weather got a lot better, and it was raining most days...we had so much fun going to Zell Am see, Garmisch, skyline park, to swaravoski kristenwallten in Austeria, to sipping hot chocolate in the MarienPlatz. it was really fun and relaxing, although alittle different from last time we went there where we travelled through europe: paris, switzerland,austeria and germany...but it still was fun... any ways we stayed two weeks there, then we returned to Qatar , and stayed two days before we went to Dubai. my aunt came along with her daughters, a little crowded but still fun... i was so exicted going to dubai more than any other time as i came to know that there was this huge library that had tons of Manga that i used to order online, i know what you're thinking....FREACKY, anyway the first day we got there , i went straight to the library and bought ten Managas that i finished in three days, then went again and bought 8 more, a total of 18 mangas in one week, anyway i had so much fun shopping in Dubai although most of my money spent on Mangas. well now am in qatar, and hopefully,we'll be going back to dubai in EID .
, i just read my past entries and got the urge to write.
i posted some photos on flickr and now i'll get back to watching korean drama "Personal taste".

(no subject)

my unconsousness

have you ever noticed??
the moon.... it shines only in the dark
am i like the moon?, do i need a dark life to shine
it can't shine at brighter times,... the sun is always shining
if not here then somewhere else , and the sun will always rise tomorrow
while the moon waits for the sun to give it a little of it's light
The moon is not always a perfect whole....sometimes it's not even there
it only is a whole once every month....it's unstable , it changes but no one seems to notice....

am hilusnating. i forget everything, am in pain, i feel empty....maybe am losing my shine...my light is going out...maybe it's time for me to disapear

well it has been a long time since i posted anything
things are pretty much normal ,am okay ...done alot of shopping in Dubai , registered in comunity class in VCU ,and am going to school tomorrow, sooo goodbye my hoilday days ... well since the second semster is starting (am kindda nervous) , wish me all luck
and i'll try my best ^.^


so today is firday so we went to grandpas house it was a fun family gathering and we laughed so.....
and mom is gonna take us to ToysRus tonight so thank god am getting out of this cage that i've been in for the past week
am gonna buy puzzles.......

so i talked to mom yesterday about the whole traveling thing ,like serious talking and she said she had no problem with me going so ((^o^)) am really happy ( if it worked out)  and i told mom i would do my best in school this two months so it'll be like a gift....
my cold is not getting better am starting to have some chest pain and coughs and i can't taste or smell anything....... so if you're reading my journal cover you're mouth and nose hehe just kidding

anyway i dont have much to say today so this was the lateset updates

(no subject)

so I have a really bad cold .....i can't move without the tissue box in my hand.
i have a headach and i have sore throght , and a red nose ...it really burns to hell
so obviously i cannot go to school tomorrow....although i would want to go but it can't br helped
anyways my mom and dad came back from London yesterday at midnight but my dad traveled to Lebanon today at morning
it's really tiring....

BIG NEWS at tuesday my art teacher took me and some artist girls to a conferance in VCU
it was really fun and an art teacher from there will come to our school to give us some workshops!!!

another GREAT NEWS that MAY NOT be true is that my older Sis...the married one, might participate in an exchanging programme in her collage and its about exchanging students from qatar and U.S.A for a week this december....you (sneeze) might be wondering why it is agood news for me.... well her husband might not have a vacation so my dad might go with her so, if my dad goes with her i might take a week off school and go along with them yaaaaaaaaay....now lets not get that excited my dad might have work and i might have tests so it might..just MIGHT not work out but i,ll pray day and night for it to happen...oohhhhh please God!!

anyway school is great ...am in the same class as my friend and am making new great friends do ...everything is

am getting forstrated with flickr i mean my photos are not that bad so why having 0 comment Big ZEROOOOO and only 21 views

will this is the report or summery i shall say, of the week...did you notice am already reducing my writing i wonder if am gonna write in months soon....( can't imagine)

well i am proud to say am a number ! fan of DBSK they are so great  and their mini drama is soooo funny


this is one of their  songs called STAND BY U:

 Kimi ga sayonara wo tsugezuni dete itta ano hi kara
Kono machi no keshiki ya midori ga kawatta ki ga suru yo
 Kimi no subete ni naritai to kawashita yakusoku mo
Hatasarenai mama omoide ni kawatte shimau

Hitori kiri de kimi ga naita ano toki
Sugu ni tonde ikeba ima mo mada kimi wa boku no yoko ni ite kureta
Dekiru naraba mou ichido iitakatta daisuki tte
Kimi he no omoi wo afure dashita kotoba wa mou ima wa todokana

 Kimi wa doko ni ite? Dare to doko ni ite? Donna fuku o kite? Nani shite waratterun darou?
 Boku wa koko ni ite. Ima mo koko ni ite. Kimi to futari de mata aeru to shinjiteiru yo

 Kawarazu omotte iru yo
 Kimi dake omotteiru yo

 Musun da kami no ushirosugata ni kimi o kasanete furikaeru […] dare ka ni […] shita
Chakushin ga atta kimi no namae kitai shitari
Kakkowarui mainichi bakari sugite iku yo

 Wasurerarenai […] Hontou wa wasuretakunai dake […] nai
 Kimi ga inakya nani ni mo kanjinai shiawase tte
Dou ganbatte mite mo koboreochita namida wa sugu ni tomaranai

Kimi wa doko ni ite? Dare to doko ni ite? Donna fuku wo kite? Nani shite waratterun darou?
Boku wa koko ni ite. Ima mo koko ni ite. Kimi to futari de mata aeru to shinjiteiru yo

 [...] Ima koushite boku wa mata hitori kiri de [...] n deru
Kore ijou setsunasa wo dakishimete ikeru wake nado nai yo
Demo sore shika nai n dayo

 Kimi ga iru dake de kagayaite mieta ano koro wa nido to modotte wa konai kedo
 Nani ga okotte mo nani wo ushinatte mo kimi wo aishita koto kesshite wasuretakunai

 Kimi ga doko ni ite, dare to doko ni ite, donna yume wo mite, nani shite waratteite mo
 Zutto koko ni ite, ima mo koko ni ite, kimi to itsu no hi ni ka aeru to shinjiteiru yo

: Kawarazu omotteiru yo
: Kimi dake omotteiru yo
: Kawarazu omotteiru yo
: Kimi dake omotteiru yo

Since the day you left without a word of goodbye
I feel that the scenery around me has changed.
The promise I made
that I would become your everything
and the incomplete memories
have also changed.

When you were crying by yourself back then,
if only had I run to you
you would still be by my side.
If I was given one more chance,
I would tell you once again
that I love you.
But the words that contain my overflowing feelings
cannot reach you anymore.

Where are you now?
Who are you being with?
What kind of clothes are you wearing?
What are  you doing and laughing at?
I am right here.
Even now, I am right here.
And I still believe that we will see each other again.
You're the only one I'm thinking of.

Just once more,
I want you to stand at my back with your tied hair
asking me "Guess who it is~~~"
and expecting me to say out your name.*
Just the two of us being silly like that day by day.

I can't forget you,
But the truth is, I don't want to forget you.
I can't feel even a bit of happiness
because you're not by my side.
No matter how hard I try,
I'll end up crying
and my tears just won't stop.

Where are you now?
Who are you being with?
What kind of clothes are you wearing?
What are doing and laughing at?
I am right here.
Even now, I am right here.
I still believe that we will see each other again.
You're the only one I'm thinking of.

Therefore, I am right here
singing the song by myself.
Even though I don't have any reason to embrace this pain anymore,
I can't help doing it.

Even if I know that the days
when you were by my side making my world shine
won't come back again,
and no matter what will happen,
no matter how far I'm lost,
I never ever want to forget that my heart has chosen to love you.

No matter where you are,
no matter who you are being with,
no matter what kind of dream you are dreaming of,
or what you are doing and laughing at,
I will be here forever.
Even now, I am right  here,
believing in a day that we will meet again.

This feeling won't change,
and you are the only one I'm thinking of.
This feeling won't change,
and you are the only one I'm thinking of.

NOTE that i formatted the text coz am in the mood

(no subject)
my lfe is .....normal i guess
today i went to school and school is getting better since fist days are always the worst but the class is getting to know each other better
i made a new friend , really friendly....
mom and dad went to london as usual for their every year holiday although they both have work
so as you can imagine i'm responsible for the house AGAIN
although am not doing anything YET but its only because today is thursday and its the weekend and they'll be back at tuesday
well i haven't done anything special this week
i drew 2 pictures ad today i was going to give my drawings to the art teacher so i would participate in more art activities but it was break time and they locked the class so sunday will be the day although am not sure if i should
i will be aploading this weekend in  my flickr account some of the drawings before i give them away
well thats the week report of my ....Indifferant life

am too lazy to edit

First Day Of School Year

well today was the first day of school normal.....and my friends are in the same class as i am sooo am Happy
we're Joniors now... its really suprising how fast time pass by...next year we will be seniors and graduate WoW its scary thinking about it
well almost everything  changed in school since last year
i really dont have anything to say since my stupid friendz skpped today
oh yeah i added some pictures in my flickr
anyone who wants to check it out is welcomed although am not sure about that
well i guess thats all for now


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