(no subject)

Hey journal,
As I start every journal entry, it's been a long time since I've written anything here. And as I read my previous posts, I notice how things changed drastically over the years.
But no matter how many changes happen in my life, I find myself coming back here to write about it. It's a weird attachment I formed with this blog, really. At first I used to blog because I liked a JPop fangirling blog, but now I'm not even into JPop!!
2012 had been a very eventful year. I changed majors from architecture to medicine, it just happened so quickly I still can't believe it! What I don't believe more is that I am quiet good at it! I never expected that I would be able to keep up, but I am, el7mdellah. Even though transferring schools meant that I won't see my friends and meant that I'm starting over from scratch, I managed to make new friends and I'm starting right this time.... I hope so <<< I hate being uncertain of things.
Anyhow, I'm writing this entry on a plane from London to qatar<<< planes have wi-fi these days. It's weird, I'm coming back from the country I always imagined myself living in. It's the winter break, so I decided that witnessing the new year in London should be great, but I'm glad that I stayed in Doha to study, the UK is great, it might be the best thing I never had, but I don't regret it.
I'm finally mature enough to find the blessings in my life.
I'm changing... I just hope it's for the best. Plus I lost 10kg!! I'm super happy, 10 more kilos and I'm at my goal weight !<< doesn't sound easy, but I'll try.
That's about it journal, I'll come back again sometime and update. Bye bye.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


(no subject)
And i come back to you my dear diary, again after a very long time. Actually, a whole year !!
so many twists went in my life, really, so many.

First off, after the first course in QU, i applied to a med school, Weil Cornell medical collage. since i wasn't in high school it was much harder to get the application done. I had to run around Doha for months. Collecting recommendation letters from here and there. Somehow I got it done with thank god, and the first course ended, my grades were good and everything, and I finished my foundation course! it felt such a joy to finally get 24 at the ACT. but then, not less than a month since my last ACT WCMC asks me to take another ACT test, and to my great luck, it was the same form as the one I took at QU "66D", and guess what my score was?.... 26!! I kindda felt like it was cheating somehow, but i told them that i already took QU's test not long ago, though i left out the part that it was the same form, but they didn't care. So I got an interview, and I did very well. On the other hand, the second course in QU started, i thought i would already major in Architecture but they said I can't major till the fall, so that course was wasted being a "General Engineering student". I took two general requirements and a chemistry course, it wasn't required but, nerdy me thought it might be a good idea for me to not forget the chemistry i have learned in the near past. Anyhow, I applied for Architecture at the fall semester, took the aptitude test, did great in it, and then got an interview that didn't really go that well. The interviewers didn't really have any questions prepared, it was more like a chatting session , " you do all the talking and we'll comment on what you say and make silly comments about how you look", that's probably what they had in mind.
So, for the first time, I got an acceptance from Weil Cornell! I was really happy with that, though i was disappointed to be accepted at the foundation year, not the pre-med program, but i still was happy.
I stayed happy until I got my acceptance to Architecture at QU!! and before I could take my time with my decision, my family members decided to brag to everyone how I'm in med school! I get that you are proud of me, and I felt really happy for that, but couldn't you wait for like 2 weeks for me to think it over?!
and so , i decided not to think more about it and i just accepted the offer and signed the acceptance. I really just wish we had two lives. it's just that I want to study both, is that crazy?
So, after accepting my offer I thought that I can just lay back and relax, but to my surprise, I had to take like a dozen blood tests, and a million vaccines! Yesterday I submitted the last paper that was required so now I can lay back and relax.

This Ramadan, it would be two years since Grandpa died allah yr7mh. time really does fly by so fast. it feels like it was just yesterday that I was kissing his head for the last time.
I'm really growing up... I don't like it. I'm 19 now, soon i will no longer be a teenager, that really sucks. I want to go back to high school T^T .

Now, enough with my Academics, let's move on to my life. << gonna be a long post! probably the post of the year!
how come I came to write here from year to year!
anyways, I've been developing a good relationship with my mom, though a little drama had happened but i'm glad we got through it, and it made me understand mom better. I also came closer to my younger sister who i felt were a little destined before, but i guess me moving in to the room across had brought us closer to each other, so it's not bad as before. come to think of it, things didn't change, but i am the one who changed. I became more open to people, i'm not bothered by them anymore, and i'm more sociable. The high school me would be so proud of me!

This summer is about to end. I've had a good time this summer around europe and the fact that I spent my birthday in Venice <3 i've also went to vienna for the first time and I loved it. it was lively, nice and romantic. though it had a khaleeji envasion! and some good things happened there.
so it was a beautiful weather that night, and our suit balcony had a nice view so i decided not to waste this precious moment and I just sat there watching people go home and drunk people peeing behind trees, everyone's looking ahead until 3 guys passing by with the guy in the middle directly staring at me! i thought maybe I saw wrong but i went inside because i didn't have my shailah on. so i walked around the room for a while waiting for them to be gone, and then i went back to the balcony to check if they're gone, and there he was! still staring! so i went back in and as soon as i got back in i hear a whistle!

so, that's about all what happened in my life the past year, I left somethings unsaid because I wanted this post to be a little pleasant... and since no one reads it, I wanted to make it pleasant for myself. My life doesn't always suck, I just have to focus more on what makes my life great...El7emdellah

I need space!
I remember asking my mom my married sister's room as a graduation present, I got what I wanted I felt more closer than before when I used to live in my bentahouse. Anyone who knew me said that I should stay there for the peace and quiet, but I felt it was time for a change, and so this is my first night at my new room.
It was nice at first when I was changing the wallpapers, the curtains , the lightings and the furniture.
I but my beddings and my pillows and everything , and suddenly the room turned into the family room, everyone was studying, sleeping, eating and walking there!! I felt a true invasion of privacy!! I thought id have a quiet time by myself, resetting and adjusting to this change , but I had no time to!! They where everywhere!! Being a loner, this is the worst thing that can happen to a person, I thought " I shouldn't have come here in the first place". So I just bared with it the whole day. So when the night came and everyone were retreating , I was left alone with my messy upside down room!! There were tissues on the floor, handbags on my bed and a babiy's diaper in the bathroom!! I just hated it. And to sum it all up , I will have my peace and quiet only for 15 days, because my sister's husband is going to 7aj and she's gonna be staying with us and her daughter in
My room!! I know I should be a little nicer, but she's a messy person and kids in general are so noisy, I just wanna have some peace and quiet, is that too much to ask?!
And I can't rant about this on any other website because everyone knows my users, invasion of privacy, that was what I was talking about, so I came back to my only escape , thank you LJ 💚
Although its nice to feel closer to the family but I still need my space, it's my only comfort zone, so please back off.
That's all for today's post, hope tomorrow will be better. If not, you'll find me here again!
Good night ✨

(no subject)
Long time no see!
I decided to update no one whose reading my journal on my life, although I feel it's a waste of time, but just to clear my mind.

University is starting this Sunday. And I'm not going to the UK to study, although my parents allowed me, but I think I'm not ready yet, once it becomes serious you kindda see the whole picture, and the whole picture wasn't a very pretty picture, so I'm staying...

This summer vacation had been the longest vacation I've ever had!
We start summer by going to Makkah, then to Turkey and lastly to Dubai. It's been nice, I can't say it was fun, but.....it was nice.
So Ramadan passed and Eid passed, but I don't feel like I've done anything, I don't feel accomplished , but I did watch a lot of dramas like City hunter, Lie to me, Myung wol the spy, sungkyunkwan scandal, and lastly The princess man, so I had my time with drama.

Collage is about to start, I don't know if I'm ready yet, but it's gonna be different than highschool.... I miss highschool <<< took me 3 years to realize how great it is. But I hope University will be fun too.

I haven't posted for a while now, I think I'm forgetting how!
Now I use my Twitter more, it's kindda short and fast ,so it's a quick way to update on my life at the moment, so if you want to follow me , This is the link ,http://twitter.com/#!/ray979
Be sure to check it out.... Nobody.

So this was short, I hope everyone who's reading this journal is happy and have a nice day.

(no subject)
Hello dear journal, it's been quite some time.
So I come back today, writing the newest discoveries in my life.

It's been about two months since highschool , I got my result of my long and agonizing year, To be honest I was a little disappointed, but since I got better grades than others, I was thankful, I got 92.9% that's 93%, so it is considered very good for senior students.
I attended graduation party along with all my friends, I wore the graduation robe and cab, and I had fun, we took pictures , everyone was dancing, and it was fun seeing the teachers all dressed up.
But now that I graduated highschool I came to realize that I miss it already, so next year I won't get the feeling of first day, checking who's in your class, looking at freshmen acting out of place, or going to the cafeteria , and being late for class. It'll be different this year, I know they say collage is the best period of anybodies life, but I'll miss highschool.
As for university , I got accepted in Oxford Brookes university in the U.K , Im still waiting for my parents to decide, since I decided to go, I only need the permission now, but my dad is taking so long, I just need an answer, even if it's a no. So I'm just putting QU and OB on hold for now, although I really need to finish all the paper work and stuff.
I think after this loooong time of thinking there would be a big fat NO, but you could never know with dad, so unpredictable .

Now as for my summer vacation, I just got back from turkey two days ago, the trip was too long and got boring at sometimes, but I had fun , people there are so nice. As for shopping there, it was fun and I wiped all the stores clean!! I bought about five handbags and eight shoes, four of them are black, and not to mention clothes, I returned with an overweight luggage and a handbag.
It was a relief coming back and visiting our grandpa's, and to find secret garden airing on Korea tv, I was so happy.
I'm currently watching heartstrings, and I watched an episode of Miss Ripely in turkey, then I wanted to continue watching it in Doha but " NOT AVAILABLE IN YOUR REGION" !!! I got so pissed, so I'll keep watching heartstrings for now, it was kind of boring at first and so typical , but it's getting more exciting ,but the episodes are incomplete so I'll have to wait for 1 episode each week. I'm thinking of watching anime, but I don't have one in mind yet.

So now it's Ramadan , I need to leave everything behind and just read Quran.
And since that last chapter of my life ended and a new chapter is about to begin, I'll change my journal layout, maybe it'll encourage me to write more.

(no subject)
I noticed that I never wrote something pleasant , all of my entries were that of complain.... So I came to complain again.

I also noticed how stupid and immature I was through my last journals.
Ok, so I'm here to complain about my life.
My grades where good this year... No not good , they were great !
I did my best, I studied hard. I didn't even haves proper time with the computer. It's just seems too harsh when your efforts are all gone to waste. What? It would make my parents proud?, Huh, where would that get me ?
The bubbly sweet world I was living in seemed soo beyond real life.
I was confident with everything I drew, no everyone was confident in everything I drew, I was so confident that I was getting cocky. Ahh chncha!!
So all my academic effort , and my " talent" have proven to be ...worthless , I have been rejected by two collages because of my drawings, and the other one because of the deadline, the forth because I'm a postgraduate, and the hits just keep on coming.
I have always dreamt of going away, becoming something big, I thought , " that's the only thing for me"
I was lost in my dreams, that I never even bothered considering rejection.
I was depressed at the first university , but I just shook it off,"maybe their standards are too high, or maybe because something is wrong with them" I thought. But as I kept facing rejection , I got to realize " it's not them it's me"
How frustrating to find out that everything you do is just... A waste of time. Waah I have been to confident.. Applying for elite universities.
So as a Qatari student with no place to go, I would go to the mother university of all lost student, Qatar university.
I keep hearing it's not really that bad, but looking at my high collages of choices, it's hard to accept it. It'll take time.

Is it weird that I don't want to go to graduation party? It's just that I'd have to wear a dress and high heels and act all pretty , I hate that. But what makes me really anxious to go is the graduation robes , I Love those, along with the cute hat, waah!
This summer vacation , I AM going to have fun.
So you should too.

(no subject)

It had been a month since I updated my journal .... Feels like forever, but again, I come to pour my uncertainity and new decision .
In the past month, a lot a
Has changed, I have changed, my decisions changed... But again , I'm continuously changing, that it became usual.
A new descisions has been made in my life. It was that day I skipped school to go with my older sister to the hospital , she had a blood test, and they needed like four samples with her fasting, so I had to go with her in case she feels faint. So we stayed there for four hours, and luckily I brought my iPad with me, and luckily the hospital have super fast wi-fi. So I started looking up collages in japan although I discussed with mom about going there to study before, and she refused, but I looked it up anyway, I saw photos of Kyoto university's campus, and it was amazing, trees everywhere and great classrooms , great everything , and so I fell in love with it. After waiting for four hours In the hospital we finally got to go, and my sister had a class in collage so I was gonna drop her there and go home, but I ended up going with her, So it was still half an hour before her class starts, so we got to have breakfast, and pray. I was gonna wait for her in the cafeteria , it was fun seeing collage girls, they're all dressed up and make-up and hair, it was like watching a fashion show so there was no way I'd be bored, but I ended up attending the class, she had a lab that day<< biomedical student, so I got to wear a white lab coat , and I saw her friend which I already met before. They had made a culture for bacteria, and they had to classify them. So I was just observing, because I didn't want to interfere with their work, when the lab assistant told me to work, I clarified that I'm not a student, but she already knew that, and so she allowed me to play with bacteria . It was fun trying collage life for a day , it was ....different.
I got him later that day , and I told practically everyone that day. Then I showed mom the pictures of Kyoto university , although she was against it , she was mesmerized by the pictures , and she semi- half agreed, but that was good enough for me. At night something made me changed my , and suddenly, I didn't see myself in japan, in Kyoto university, I realized that I wanted to go to Japan just for the sake of it, just because I wanted to learn japanese , to live manga, to experience life on the other side of the world, where everything is different, I realized that I was being unfair to my education, to my future. Although Kyoto university is a good , but there are other higher universities , I want to graduate from a top university, as I was thinking about my future.
I wrote this about two months ago but I never posted it. Now I'll write about how life changed from that day, and the highlights of that period of time.

First of all, in Eid my parrot , who was always with me died, it feels weird to say that my best friend was an animal , but it was... I got so sad , I actually cried, but I tried to hide, because it was Eid.... So for about 2 weeks I was grieving. After Eid we had our first tests, it was really tiring , I mean studying in Eid holiday and after that... That was a lot of studying for one month, but I'm thankful that I studied because i got good mark... Except in physics, i lost 8 marks although I think I did well. Anyway two days before my test ends , my sister gave birth to a girl -Reem- named her after me, although I know she just likes the name but I was happy+ she's an angel.
So back to academic life, I went to a collage fair - Qatar international collage fair- held in four seasons hotel,I had to skip school because they held a lecture in Studying in th U.K, it was helpful , I learned new things. There were collages from U.S.A , Australia, Japan and the U.K. So I went to check U.K univerties when I came across with UCL - university collage London - I really liked it and felt really comfortable with it and it was ranked no.4 in the best universities in the world + it's in sheik Tmem's scholarship collage list, so it was very nice.then I went to the japan section, it was really disappointing knowing that I couldn't go. Anyway When I finished I was extremely tired so I sat in the four season hotel sipping coffe, now that was really something.
I got home, told mom all about and she liked UCl and encouraged my enthusiasm . I filed the application , received a reference letter from my physics teacher, got a 6.5 in my iLETS test and talked to the school consular about it, now she calls me London, so what's left is my school transcript so I could mail the application. It's scary not knowing what's gonna happen, but I can't really imagine the worst case scenario.
Enough with the academic talk, I have another problem... I've gained weight, and I just had it with being overweight , it's really tiring, I came to hate shopping, and I don't know what to do anymore... I do but I need the chance to.
Anyway something embaressing but funny happen to me the other day, was making salad in the kitchen with my sister M, suddenly she started to freak out about something and immediately hide under the table so I unconsciously look at the kitchen door, and I'm chopping lettuce in a table in front of the door, and there's this Lebanese guy - sunglasses + cab- telling me to " yallah" I stood their frozen - no shealah or abbaya- , staring blankly at the guy, not a single thought in mind... A moment of silence, then our maid jumps in to save the day, and he realizes the situation, says sorry and storms out. As i was getting back my consciousness I ran to the kitchen store, a little late but... Anyway when I began to process what happens, it came down to this: I'm making salad in the kitchen in my school uniform, hair all messy looking like a housewife with a -.- expression on my face where a guy sees me in my most terrible moments and above all, without my shealah , that's like being naked to me, I started laughing real hard it was a really funny situation, but the I got so embaressed that I almost cried. It was a stupid situation that I never saw coming, and the guy turned out to be the maintenance guy coming to check something in our house and obviously thought I was the maid!!
That's about all that had happened the past month, and I don't think I will be able to write in the meantime , busy with school and everything, so it might take another two months to fill in the last updates in my life.

(no subject)

I'm staying home today and skipping school.
so it's already the third week in school, time is flying by.
senior year so far is exauhsting.... i changed majors last week and i felt more relieved than before, although i'm miss my friends all of us together again, but it's all for the best, I'm paying more attention in class, and chemistry and biology are sooo easy, i can  sleep in class.....but i won't...... i have my SATs this satureday
although i wanted my senior year to be the best year of all, and i wanted it to be fun, but i don't think it'll be like that. but it's all good, i get to wake up with a smile on my face, i get to watch the  rainbow everyday on the sidewalk <<< watering the grass ,splashs of water + sun rays = Rainbow. and i get to watch all the pretty horses trainig in the morning<<< passing by the equestrian on my way to school...these little things in life that can make my day.

yesterday i woke up at 4:30 am, only 4 hours of sleep... i had a bad dream that woke me up crying, and i couldn't get back to sleep, so i prayed, then sat on my bed watchin the sun rising, then i headed downstairs to get ready for school. so when i got back from school, my head was about to explode, so i went streight to bed without having lunch, when i woke up i felt really cold although the AC was off and my body was hot and i had a chest pain, so when mom woke me up , she said i have high fever, so i went to the hospital, got my meds and got back home. when we got home, my older sister was there, so we sat together chatting and watching t.v.  after sometime my sister got a messege from my cuzin saying my friend was outside my door, i was surprised ,and she was waiting for a long time outside, so i didn't have time to change, so i ended up going with my unmatched pijama and my hair all messed up.... she didn't come in she just came to drop something off and she was in a hurry. it was a big gift bag  it had some cute cupcakes that she baked herslef, and a box with some gifts ( a cute bookmark, a frame, a necklace with a "happiness japaness "charecter, a watch,and something cute i couldn't discover its function yet) .  it was surprising because  it came out of the blue, and without a special occasion....but it really made me feel better. so i brought my phone from my room, and i discovered that she tried to reach me, but as usual, my phone wasn't with me. so i texted her, thanking her .

daddy came back from New York two days ago, i really missed him, i'm glad he came back safely.

so today i woke up feeling better, had breakfast, watched some t.v ,then did some worksheet for mom, and now checking updates on the internet. so now i'll have lunch with my family, do some studying, shower then sleep preparing for a better day.
so today is a beautiful day.

(no subject)

so school year has started  a week ago.
its has been casual, too casual. it was like there hasn't been a vacation. and school was just a big mess, with the new principle and staff and system, it felt different, since most of the loveable teachers, even the vice principle ,that always shout at the girls in the middle of the school yard is gone. here place really shows. anyway it happened too fast, and we're already seniors.

today they redestrebuted and i choose medicine because of my friend. anyways the class is full, there are 30 students, all are super study geeks who are  crowding each other to sit in front raw,  but i got all my friends with me, but i didin't  feel comfortable there....its just i didn't like it, i felt upset. so in the break, we went to the vice principle so she'd put us in another room, because the class hot and crowded, and we couldn't see the board, but she said its only temprarly, she told us that all the other class are crowded too, but for engineering it only had fifteen students, so i just thought i really want to go there, although my friends don't mind staying in  that class, so for a moment i thought of dropping that thought, but i couldn't. i made a promise to myself not to repeat the same mistake again, and my friends are not gonna change majors to be with me, so why should i?
and i always wanted engineering, there was something about the SE (senior engineering) that i found appealing somehow. so i'm discussing this with mom, and my sister before i make it official.
my SAT are on the 9th, i hope i can ace it. this all feels crazy, being adults feels crazy.
so about the class...not a single teacher that entered the classroom without scaring the crap out of us. they all had a destructive speach ready to hit us in the face, not a single teacher gave us some encourging words.
so i'm scared of this year. i barely even had the time to post this entry, and i had to give up my afternoon nap >.<.
i'm getting tired, so i'll go lay down now.

wish me best of luck

(no subject)
So.... Ramadan ended and the hilal disappeared. Eid ended too. Summer vacation ended. And school is after tomorrow.
I'm so glad everything ended yet , I'm not ready for anything to begin.
This school year is gonna be my last, and I don't know what to make out of it. It's just gonna be the hardest year, and I need to do my best, or more than my best, better than my best! <<< okay... that doesn't make sense.
My last entry wasn't posted completely as my iPad ran out of battery and I got too lazy to continue writing.
I'm somehow existed about school, it's better to have something to keep me busy, coz free time is dangerous.and hopefully ,it won't turn out so bad.
They changed our principle and I don't know how it's going to be with the new one, and there are different majors where you choose which one is for you. There's medicine, science, engineering, and business management . I choose engineering at first ,then my friend wanted to choose medicine coz eventually in collage she'll be studying medicine, but she wanted to be in the same class as me so she was going to choose engineering, but her mother won't let her, and she tried to convince her mom, but nothing worked, and I'm undetermined about what I want to study in the future, so I ended up changing to medicine, although what I want is far from Medicine ,but that's how it turned out.
As I'm growing up, my way of thinking is changing. In the past I used to dream about the future because I wanted to run away from my present, but now I dream about the future, because I want the future, not to get away from my present. Now I can live everyday without daydreaming about the future, coz I realized that thinking about the future and ignoring my present, makes the future farther away from my reach, and just that thought gets me frustrated , so as a new school year resolution , I will live my life day by day without planing what's gonna happen tomorrow.

dad just got back from Lebanon yesterday, and went to Tajakestan in the morning for four hours and returned tonight, and about two hours later this evening, he's flying to the New York , not to mention a transit from Qatar to London to new York , but the trip is for two weeks, the longest time in one trip. A really tiring life he's having, although he docent seem to complain...actually he likes it, it was always his dream to fly all over the world, so it's good that he's happy, I wish him safe trips all the time. Although he's missing out on us growing, and mom is sleeping alone tonight....every night actually, but that's just the way it is, all you can do is accept it.
My iPad is running out of charge and I don't wish to write this all over again so that'll be the end of my post, and I'm probably not going to write for sometime because of school , but I'll be sure
to write about my first day of school.

Wish me luck, and more growing this year

I'm having my annual , first year cold. And it sucks!!


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